I got a terrible feeling today

It happened after my parents told me they were no longer going to visit for Thanksgiving, Christmas or my birthday because they wanted to go travel with my grandparents and some other family. 

I can’t shake this feeling like this is just the start of the rest of my life.
I’m going to spend the rest of my holidays, and my life, alone.

I tried to shake this feeling all day.
I mean, I have friends right?

So I called a couple of my friends,
thinking hanging out would make me feel better.
They either didn’t answer or texted back that they were busy.

Whatever I think,
I’ll just do homework.

Well you know how homework goes,
and Facebook was calling.
I open Facebook.
There are pictures of 4 of my friends hanging out.

What’s wrong with me?
I can’t shake that question.
What’s so wrong with me that no one wants to be around me?

Maybe it’s because I’m overweight?
Are my jokes not actually funny?

I tried to eat food because I suddenly became aware that I hadn’t eaten yet for the day, and I threw it up about five minutes later.

I thought about smoking to relax me a little,
but the thought of being high disgusted me.

I’m trying so hard to find something that says it’s just a bad day.
I’m waiting and hoping for anyone to say they care.
I mean, what’s wrong with me?

Maybe it’s okay.

Maybe some people just spend their lives lonely.

After being spit on at work, cursed out for corporate policies, verbally lashed for an unhappy customers, blown off by friends and forgotten, I just wish somebody would give me a hug and tell me it will be okay. I feel so alone right now.